Fraidy cat

A lengthy bedtime battle with our 2-year-old last night (think lots of tears, demanding we sing to her one more time, and a very dramatic "Ow, me! Ow, me! Help!" fake-out) led to a discussion between my husband and me about fear. As far back as I can remember, I've been afraid at bedtime. In my youngest memory, it was of creatures like sharks or alligators under my bed. (The first nightmare I can remember involved one of my sisters and me having to feed alligators at the zoo. They escaped, naturally, and terror ensued.) As I got a little older and my younger sister and I shared a room, I was afraid that kidnappers would break in and take me from my bed during the night. My solution to that was to request that my bed be the one directly under the window, with the thought process that the kidnapper would hop right over me and take my sister instead. (Hey, I was looking out for Number One! Little kids are self-centered. Well, so are adults, but that's another post.) A lot of my fears stemmed from news stories I overheard from the TV, or ones my parents talked about after reading in the paper. As I got older, and now as an adult, my bedtime fears have ranged from the completely irrational (there's a velociraptor in my shower!) to the possible but highly unlikely (what if there's a kidnapper in the baby's closet and I forgot to look in there when I tucked her in?). Regardless, there are many nights where I would rather stay on the couch with the TV and lights on and fall asleep there than climb into bed in the pitch darkness and trust that there's not a serial killer in my closet, waiting for the opportune moment.

The things that I fear in the darkness, the things I have nightmares about usually involve either losing a person close to me, dying myself, or losing things that are meaningful to me. Fear is not logical: Why should I fear death, when life on the other side is guaranteed to be so much better? Why should I fear loss of material things, when they are ultimately worthless anyway?

I've found that when I'm lying in bed and am suddenly overcome by fear, that fear is easily overcome by peace when I pray and ask for it. Remembering the words of Psalm 27 helps too:

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
       whom shall I fear?
       The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
       of whom shall I be afraid?

I'm working on it.